Feb. 4th, 2011

Look, it's a procrastinatory impulse!

  • I would very much like to be a pet owner again. I miss having a furry being around. If I had a dog, we could do obedience classes! Which I think would be awesome. And if I had a cat, I would have something to sit on me while I'm on the couch and look at me disdainfully when I fail to be sufficiently interesting. Boo, roommate allergies. Boo, habits that mean I'm not home all that often.
  • This is probably (hopefully?) going to be my last cycle with the office. I'm not good enough at this to not be choosing between self-care and getting my job done, which is Not On. I haven't given notice or anything, but am definitely anticipating not drawing a paycheck after this summer.
  • I really, really want my own place. I'm so tired of living in other people's places. I don't want to feel like I have to clean several pots and the stove if I want to make bloody macaroni and cheese. I don't want to live with someone who has to be told to not leave food out on the counter or how to properly operate the garbage disposal. I am done. I will also likely not be drawing a paycheck soon, see above, so these two are probably not compatible.
  • Am slowly adjusting to the idea that it's probably better for me right now if I don't talk to my parents all that often. It is exhausting, and means that I'm capable of doing much less than otherwise, and that's not a good thing when I'm running so far behind at work. This does not make me a bad daughter. I think.
  • I really want to downsize all my stuff. There's something very attractive about the idea of all of my possessions potentially fitting into my car. This will probably never happen because I am excessively sentimental, but I'm working on getting rid of some clothing, at least. It's a start! And I'm forming tentative plans for a t-shirt quilt, so I can have some of the shirts that I never wear but don't want to throw away take up less space.
  • Right now, I'm massively burnt out on doing anything. I have very little in the way of extra resources to deal with parts of life that aren't immediate and need to be dealt with now. This is part of what's making me bad at my job at the moment. This is part of why I think I need some time to be unemployed for a while, to relearn what makes me happy. I went straight from Mudd to an admissions office, and have thus far spent most of my time there being stressed. I would like to stop feeling like I am terrible at everything I try to do. It would be nice.

Bonus: what sort of academic program would deal most with studying people? Partly in the psychology sense, let's poke people and/or their brains and see why things twitch and why we do what we do, but also in the sense of examining how we interact with each other and our communities, and how those communities interact. I think? Something like that. It's difficult to pin down, which makes it harder to figure out what sorts of directions I might want to be looking in. I did not study any of this in school, which is problematic. I frequently think I might have been happier as oh, say, a Pomona student.

Anyway, back to the salt mines file reading. I'm actually doing pretty okay, I'm just ready to be done.

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