I am such a radically different person than I was a year ago. Just now, I actually had the thought that I am basically a happy person, and that being tired and stressed is a deviation from that. And I actually realized that I should be tired, after having stressed out my body this weekend with about 15 hours of blues dancing and lots of late nights, instead of wondering why I'm not working right.

In general, life is good. I'm still working out what I'm going to do next year, but I have a resume and a couple of professors who are willing to give me advice and networking opportunities. I have a lead on an apartment in Pasadena, if there end up being jobs in SoCal (please please please). I have an awesome boyfriend who cares about me a lot, and figured out on his own that misdirection is the best approach when I'm being depressed and self-pitying. I don't think I quite figured that out, even. I don't have tons of friends, but the ones I have are good ones who care about me, too. I have little bits of time to knit, and little bits of time to read, and even though I've done next to no schoolwork over the past couple of weekends (yay Pasadena), I'm staying on top of my classes.

I'm really, really lucky. There's no way I ever would have thought that, a year ago. Being happy is a nice change.
Rethinking the grad school for next fall thing a bit. I'm feeling really unmotivated to do grad school searching. That isn't necessarily a good reason to rethink, but that and the fact that I still don't feel super prepared in the field I would likely want to be going into, and am in fact still unsure as to what that field would be makes me think that maybe holding off would be a good plan. I can pursue learning things that I think are interesting for a little while on my own, and figure out what I actually want to do next before I do it.

That means I have to figure out what I am actually doing next, if not grad school. Ick.



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