(no subject)

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

I sort of miss being little on Christmas. It seemed bigger and brighter, less focused on the stuff. Or maybe more focused on the stuff, which made it simpler. It was about Santa and Baby Jesus and having to wait until after church to open presents. It was the waking up before everyone else to creep into the living room to see the tree and everything Santa brought, then trying to get Mom and Dad and Chris up to be as excited as I was. Every year I've been the first one up at Christmas, except last year. I sang at the 10:00 Christmas Eve service, so I was up late. This year looks to be the same.

Christmas now should be about the family and the giving and the religion, shouldn't it? It isn't really. It's about missing people fiercely who I have no right to miss at all, and not getting my Christmas shopping done until Christmas Eve, even though I'm only buying for three people, and almost crying at the end of Elf because I'm too old to believe in Santa, and too old to make fun of the kids who still do, and not old enough to propogate the myth.

I'm tired. Being home hasn't really given me relaxation time, because I'm spending all my time either sleeping or IMing, and I'm not willing to give up either one.

Maybe I should ask my friends to cut me off, but that would be depressing. And I'm certainly not going to cut myself off, so.

How many more days?