(no subject)

[htotheh]

I'm tired of being me. I have to wonder--if I wasn't forced to, would I want to have anything to do with myself? I'm bratty and nasty most of the time. Obviously there are some redeeming qualities somewhere, because, hey, friends, but I can't seem to find them most of the time. I wear too many masks. I'm never sure if I do something because that's what others want me to be, or what I think others will want me to be, or because that's what I like to do. Why do I have a blog? Why am I trying to learn guitar? Why do I listen to music I get from Trevor? Some of it, I like. But I don't know if I'm trying just because I want to fit. Maybe that's why I don't actually want to share this blog with anyone--to prove to myself that I'm doing it for me. But the other part of me wants someone to read it, to prove that, hey, I'm cool! I'm worthwhile! I have a blog!

And I get a recital with all this depression. Whoo hoo. Screwing up in front of people. Can't wait.