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May. 8th, 2003 04:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
htothehThe AP test this morning really wasn't all that bad. I didn't finish one or two of the parts in the free response section, but it's all good, because I think I'll get most of the points on one of them anyway. If I had had thirty more seconds with my calculator, but nooooo....
Ahem. Anyways, drove to the library to look for poetry books. Didn't find any that appealed to me. I really need to do more with that project than I have done now, which is more-or-less nothing. Stupid project.
I think I've finally figured out what, exactly, I'm tired of right now. I'm not really tired of dealing with people, I'm tired of not dealing with them. The past couple of days I've wanted desperately to just cry on someone's shoulder, but there isn't anyone that I feel comfortable getting wet like that. I don't know if I'm really close to anyone. I certainly don't know who all I am. My image of myself has been scrambled. I don't know where I'm going, and certainly not how I'm getting there, and the only way I know how to cope with that is to ignore the problem, and let it blow past. Except now, I'm getting to the point where if I let problems just blow past, they won't go away. If I don't know how to fill in parts of a job application, no one is going to come by and do them for me. I just won't get a job. That's really the only reason I'm not working this summer. I haven't turned in the job application I got; I haven't even finished filling it out. I'm tired of being stuck inside myself, apparently completely incapable of letting anyone in.
I want to write something, but I don't remember how.
Ahem. Anyways, drove to the library to look for poetry books. Didn't find any that appealed to me. I really need to do more with that project than I have done now, which is more-or-less nothing. Stupid project.
I think I've finally figured out what, exactly, I'm tired of right now. I'm not really tired of dealing with people, I'm tired of not dealing with them. The past couple of days I've wanted desperately to just cry on someone's shoulder, but there isn't anyone that I feel comfortable getting wet like that. I don't know if I'm really close to anyone. I certainly don't know who all I am. My image of myself has been scrambled. I don't know where I'm going, and certainly not how I'm getting there, and the only way I know how to cope with that is to ignore the problem, and let it blow past. Except now, I'm getting to the point where if I let problems just blow past, they won't go away. If I don't know how to fill in parts of a job application, no one is going to come by and do them for me. I just won't get a job. That's really the only reason I'm not working this summer. I haven't turned in the job application I got; I haven't even finished filling it out. I'm tired of being stuck inside myself, apparently completely incapable of letting anyone in.
I want to write something, but I don't remember how.
