(no subject)

[htotheh]

What I meant by sugar (two entries down) is the things that make life palatable. For me, the biggest one is my friends. For some people, it's their Deity-of-choice; I just don't have that much belief in mine to rely on Him. Faith, yes. I'm sure past almost any doubt that there is a God. It's an issue of making it make sense. There's something in me that rebels at the idea that I could rely on this guy Upstairs and be happy, give all my problems away, stop worrying. I'm attached to my problems, dang it! I don't want to give them up. I suppose that's the biggest problem I have with being Christian. You're supposed to share what you have with God, and ask Him for help when you need it. I don't ask for help. It's not something that I do often or well. Which brings me back to ignoring my sugar. If I'm in a nasty mood, I don't want to burden them with it. I need/want to deal with it on my own. I usually don't, or at least not very well, so I end up feeling like I'm lying to myself and them, and I don't think any of us deserve that.

The slightly ironic thing is that the time or two that I've unburdened myself, I didn't get disparaging remarks. I didn't get scorn, or any idea that I should take care of feeling snarky by myself. I got the email equivalent of a hug.

I need to trust people more. Treasure the sweet things that I have.