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Sep. 15th, 2003 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
htothehI think cowardice often masquerades as sensibility. For me, at least, and I suspect that the trend stretches to others as well, but I've only spent time in my own head, and thus can't really say for sure. It makes sense not to go off the beaten (paved) path and past the sign that says "Construction." It makes sense not to go the wrong way on escalators--you could knock someone down, after all. It makes sense not to have Relationships in high school. I've tried the first two, the first in the rain, no less, and it was heaps o' fun. The latter hasn't really come up, but the subject has. At the time, it seemed sensible to reject the idea. After all, there's really no point. Very few relationships last through college. If something is started in high school, breaking up would almost certainly cause pain for both parties involved, which isn't a very good idea at such an important time in one's academic life, and possibly stress for any shared friends--shared friends almost certainly being the case at a school as small as RCHS. Better to use that time to learn to have friends-who-are-boys, not necessarily boyfriends.
It makes sense. That's probably why I'm re-thinking my position. I've had the most fun doing things that don't really make sense. Not a good idea to do that all the time, because that can get dangerous. But I'm in high school. The point is to live. "Life is pain, and anyone who tells you differently is selling something," or just not really wanting to face reality. Shit happens. Hurt happens. Avoiding experiences just because one is afraid of being rejected or doing wrong or not being perfect is cowardly, not sensible.
And I'll keep trying to pound that into my skull until it finally stops slipping out. It's one of those things that makes sense, but that I really don't do. Still too scared of not doing it right, whatever "it" is. It's hard for me to keep in mind that none of this, really, is permanent. If I utterly humiliate myself at some point during high school, the solution is to never come back to any reunions. It's easy to fall out of touch after you move away. Chances are, though, that the stuff we do that I think everyone will remember forever, and that I will always be embaressed by? No one will remember any of it. No one cares in high school. Most teenagers are too preoccupied by their own personal angst to deal with anyone else's. The words "painfully self-conscious" have passed through the lips of my psychologist more than once, and I've only seen her three times.
Anywho, stream-of-consciousness, nonsensicality over. I'm going to bed.
It makes sense. That's probably why I'm re-thinking my position. I've had the most fun doing things that don't really make sense. Not a good idea to do that all the time, because that can get dangerous. But I'm in high school. The point is to live. "Life is pain, and anyone who tells you differently is selling something," or just not really wanting to face reality. Shit happens. Hurt happens. Avoiding experiences just because one is afraid of being rejected or doing wrong or not being perfect is cowardly, not sensible.
And I'll keep trying to pound that into my skull until it finally stops slipping out. It's one of those things that makes sense, but that I really don't do. Still too scared of not doing it right, whatever "it" is. It's hard for me to keep in mind that none of this, really, is permanent. If I utterly humiliate myself at some point during high school, the solution is to never come back to any reunions. It's easy to fall out of touch after you move away. Chances are, though, that the stuff we do that I think everyone will remember forever, and that I will always be embaressed by? No one will remember any of it. No one cares in high school. Most teenagers are too preoccupied by their own personal angst to deal with anyone else's. The words "painfully self-conscious" have passed through the lips of my psychologist more than once, and I've only seen her three times.
Anywho, stream-of-consciousness, nonsensicality over. I'm going to bed.
