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Dec. 13th, 2003 08:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
htothehWas going to write something yesterday night, but I tried three times and realized that I didn't have any sort of words that would mean the things I wanted them to mean. I still don't, really. The feeling of unreality hasn't stopped yet. I'm getting a little nervous, because I keep expecting the headlights to come down the street, and I don't want to have to drive away.
And then Mr. Stapleton's daughter's funeral was today. The primary thought in my mind was "God, you are a bastard." Then I was darkly amused by the idea that Jesus really was a bastard, in the literal sense of the word. Mom knew the entire liturgy, despite the fact that she hasn't gone to a Catholic church service in at least twenty years.
I talk about the little amusing things because I hate crying, and if seeing a father talk about how much he loves his daughter who is currently lying in a little box doesn't make you cry, I don't know if anything will.
Ironically enough, I think the service clarified my belief in God. After all, one must believe in something to dislike it.
So much emotion in the past two days. And can we say major contrast? Small wonder I spent so much time sleeping today.
And then Mr. Stapleton's daughter's funeral was today. The primary thought in my mind was "God, you are a bastard." Then I was darkly amused by the idea that Jesus really was a bastard, in the literal sense of the word. Mom knew the entire liturgy, despite the fact that she hasn't gone to a Catholic church service in at least twenty years.
I talk about the little amusing things because I hate crying, and if seeing a father talk about how much he loves his daughter who is currently lying in a little box doesn't make you cry, I don't know if anything will.
Ironically enough, I think the service clarified my belief in God. After all, one must believe in something to dislike it.
So much emotion in the past two days. And can we say major contrast? Small wonder I spent so much time sleeping today.
